


A Snippet of Madness

by Derien



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Open Relationships, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-01
Updated: 2010-10-01
Packaged: 2017-10-15 07:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/158395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Derien/pseuds/Derien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My attempt at writing Star Trek more in the style of Wodehouse, though not very successful.  (I'll still take suggestions re the title.)  Uhura finds out that Chekov is lovesick, and she turns to McCoy and Spock to help him out.  My goal here was to try to do a Jeevesian story with Spock as Jeeves, McCoy as Wooster, and Uhura as... Aunt Dahlia?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think anyone ever betaed this for me, so if anyone has any critiques/suggestions/corrections, feel free to let me know. :)

Normally Uhura would have knocked, but Scotty was expecting her – they had a date for dinner – and they'd long since programmed their doors to give access to either of them, but when the door opened on what seemed, in comparison to the light in the hall, near complete darkness, she realized that had not been the best of ideas.

“Scotty?”

A gasp – and it didn't sound like Mongomery's voice – and then someone hit the floor and scrambled toward the suit bathroom. A groan – that definitely was Scotty.

“Lights!” Uhura commanded. “Are you alright!?”

He was disheveled but appeared unharmed. In fact, what he appeared was sheepish and drunk.

“You forgot our date, didn't you?” she stated. She kept her well-trained voice level, almost amused – no sense getting upset until she knew just what was going on – but she realized her hands had gone to her hips in a rather confrontational stance.

“Och, yes. I'm so sorry, Nyota! I didn't intend...”

Scotty struggled to his feet and was giving her the puppy dog eyes, if the puppy in question were very drunk. Whoever was in the bathroom was now being very loudly sick.

“...you see, it was this bottle of Saurian brandy, it needed looking after...”

“Who is that?”

“Uh. Pavel.”

“Chekov? Chekov was helping you knock over a bottle of brandy?”

“Eh, yes, you see...”

“In the dark? Mongomery Scott, really!” she chided him, arching a brow.

“Well, he needed to talk, and he brought the bottle along to facilitate matters, and then one thing led to another and... och, wummun, I'm not made of stone!”

“Really? Some parts of you seem almost as if they were...”

He looked down at the tent in his pants, and back up at her, and then the giggles burst forth from her, she couldn't suppress them any longer.

“You think this is funny?” Scotty was taken aback and verging on offended.

“Would you prefer I be angry with you? We never had any exclusivity agreement. Who could, with anyone who's as in love with his engines as you are? But I must admit, this is a little surprising! Oh, poor Pavel! I wonder if he's throwing up because he drank too much or because he's terrified of me! Please go tell the poor boy I'm not going to hurt him!”

\-----------------------------------

“...so that was how I found out that our own Pavel has an unrequited passion for Mr. Sulu!” Uhura had her elbows on McCoy's desk, eyes bright with delight at the gossip.

McCoy had his chair leaned back dangerously far, feet up on the desk, his eyes narrowed. “And you're telling me all this... why?”

“Isn't it obvious? We really should do something to help him out. He's such a sweet boy, he deserves some happiness.”

“And you think that Sulu would really make Chekov _happy?_ ”

She grinned impishly. “Who knows? Okay, I think he deserves to get to try out what he wants, even if it ultimately brings him sadness. Better to have loved and lost. And it might work out as well as you and Spock. Lord knows nobody pegged you as destined for each other, at first. You seemed like oil and water, but look how well it's going.”

He quirked the corner of his mouth wryly. “Sometimes we're still like oil and water.”

“Yes, but everyone knows it's in good fun. It's all about the makeup sex, isn't it?” Her eyes sparkled at him slyly through her nearly closed lashes.

He snorted, but good-naturedly. “Huh. I'll put it to Spock and see if he can come up with any ideas.”

\----------------------------------------

“I'm confused, Leonard.” (Spock's confusion did not stop him from continuing the experiment he had been engaged upon, sliding his prepared samples into the computer with one hand and programming his parameters for the tests with the other while listening to McCoy's story.) “Why did he kiss Mr. Scott?”

“Chekov needed someone to talk to, they both got a bit in their cups, and then he was seeking reassurance that he IS attractive. I have it on good authority that Scotty just wanted to make sure Chekov really believed him.”

“It would seem unnecessary to go to such lengths when a simple - “

“Yes, Spock, when a simple statement would be quite sufficient. These are humans we're talking about. Chekov's young and insecure and probably really wasn't sure if Mr. Scott wasn't just saying what he wanted to hear.” (And Scotty, McCoy thought to himself, had no particular reason to pass up such an opportunity.)

“I can not imagine why Mr. Scott would lie about such a thing.”

“To be nice. To boost his ego. To make him stop crying.” At Spock's raised eyebrow McCoy amended, “I have no idea if he was actually crying, I was being metaphorical. Or something. Anyhow, the point is, can you think of any way we can determine what Sulu thinks of Chekov?”

Spock contemplated this for a moment, staring unfocused toward his computer console. “He obviously likes Chekov, that is evident... However, if half of the things people say about Mr. Sulu are true, he might consider Pavel to be young and... a little boring.”

McCoy beamed. “You pretend you don't understand humans and then you come out with a gem like that.”

Spock arched a brow at his mate. “I'm merely applying logic, albeit to an illogical system of thought. As it is humans we're talking about it's just as likely that I'm completely wrong.”


	2. Chapter 2

"No, Spock, I'm thinking you might have nailed it."

It was always pleasing to Spock when he hit on an idea his mate approved of, and this one had gained him a smile both affectionate and implying that rewards would be granted, later. Spock sat back from his experiment to watch McCoy pace and think out loud. He couldn't quite understand the whole-hearted way McCoy threw himself into things - it was a little embarrassing (and could prove to be very much so with the volatile situation of attempting to influence human emotions), but the enthusiasm was always quite fascinating to watch.

"Chekov projects an image of being sweet but probably awfully innocent and that might seem boring. Maybe we should see what happens if we give Sulu the idea that Chekov's not quite so innocent and dull as he appears..."

***************************

Uhura quietly asked Spock if he could cover her station as well as his own (not hard on this quiet afternoon) so that she could have a five minute break, and she rose from her console to leave the bridge. Taking the long way around, she paused by Chekov's seat, touching his shoulder lightly. As he looked up she purred "Will we be seeing you this evening?"

His eyes grew big and he paused as though trying to keep himself from stuttering. "Yes?"

"Good. Do you know how to play Hearts?

"Hearts?"

"It's a card game. We'll teach you. It'll be fun! Eighteen-thirty hours, my cabin. Don't forget." She gave him a slanting gaze through lowered eyelashes as she turned away, and he turned back to his station looking as though he'd been hit by a very pleasant meteor.

Meanwhile Spock, who had been given specific instructions, was carefully watching Sulu's expression as it turned sour.

 

****************************

"Did she pull it off? Did she make it look convincingly like she was planning a hot date?" McCoy demanded.

"In a grossly overplayed human style, yes."

"Never you mind about gross overplaying. If a Vulcan were planning a hot date it would most likely sound as if they really WERE just going to play cards. I'm sure Uhura knows exactly what to do for Sulu to notice. So, how did Sulu look when he saw that? What did he do?"

"He did nothing," Spock replied. "His eyebrows drew fractionally together and his eyes narrowed - I took this to indicate disapproval - and then he busied himself at his work station."

"Hm. Well, it may take some time, we can't hurry it."

"I believe that is a correct and practical assessment."

"What do you mean by that?'

"Merely that I consider this experiment to possibly be one of the riskiest I have ever been involved with. The variables are too uncertain."

"Yeah, but how wrong can it go? I'm pretty sure Sulu has to be interested, we just have to get him to realize it."

Spock glanced down with that tilt to his eyebrow and odd angled nod that told McCoy more plainly than the tweak of their mental bond that he was doubtful.

"You have some kind of premonition?" he jibed his mate gently, with a grin.

"That would be illogical."

Forty-five minutes later, after Scotty called them to let them know that he and Chekov were working on getting the door to Lieutenant Uhura's quarters open, as some sort of massive electrical overload had fused parts of it together, McCoy reiterated this jibe. "It WAS a premonition. You're a pointy-eared oracle, now. What's next, Oh Seer of the Future?"

"Len, as I said -"

"Yeah, yeah, predictions are silly. What's your assessment of outcome based on the psychology of the individual?"

"Human psychology is not my forte."

"Oh, I hadn't noticed. Well, our next step, then -"

"I think the human phrase would be 'it will end in tears.'"

"Oh yeah? What's your idea, then?"

"To leave the situation alone."

"Yes, besides that. I know, what we'll do is..."

************************

The following evening, at dinner in the mess, Uhura carefully placed herself, Scotty and Chekov quite closely together at the table so that they could speak low and confidentially. When Sulu entered she put an arm around Chekov to squeeze his opposite shoulder, warmly, and Scotty, taking her cue, laid one of his hands on the younger man's forearm. McCoy, seated with Spock on the opposite side of the dining hall, watched Sulu's face carefully as he paused, scowled, went across the room to the replicator, took a tray, and stared at the replicator for a few moments, quickly programmed a drink, returned the tray to the stack, and left.

Very shortly thereafter Scotty was called away to see to some odd fluctuations in the engines, leaving Uhura and Chekov alone at the table. She gave Chekov a Look and then rose, beckoning him after her, crossed the mess to where Spock and McCoy sat, and gracefully insinuated herself into one of the supremely ugly and uncomfortable plastic chairs. "What luck, hm?"

Chekov drew up beside her and stood awkwardly.

"It doesn't really matter," McCoy offered, "Sulu saw the set-up, that's the goal."

Chekov's eyes widened and he blushed. "I know! I wasn't going to really go through with anything."

"Well!" Uhura mocked offense, then patted his arm and sparkled her eyes at him. "Sit down, Pavel. Spock, what do YOU think about this luck?"

He considered her gravely for a moment. "I do not believe in luck."

"I know."

"I will be in the engine room, helping Mr. Scott," Spock stated, rising.

As he left McCoy joined Chekov in staring at Uhura in confusion. "What was that all about?"

"Oh... just a hunch."

"Do tell."

Uhura's lips thinned as she looked from one to the other. "I really don't want to talk about it at the moment. Let's let Mr. Spock do some investigating, first. Would you like some desert, Pavel? I'm dying for some ice-cream."

********************

It was quite late before Spock returned to their quarters to find McCoy sitting up reading on his PADD, which he set aside as soon as his mate entered. He let the burning question wait until after he had risen and given the Vulcan a welcoming kiss, but then it popped; “What did you find out?”

Spock inclined his head slightly. “Mr. Sulu is taking notice, as you hoped. However, unless you wish it to end in his court martial you should perhaps cease your current campaign.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had some suspicion during the first incident – while Mr. Chekov and Mr. Scott were taking the wall apart to free Lieutenant Uhura from her quarters I tried to satisfy my curiosity as to the source of the power surge.”

“Yeah. You said it was some random fluctuation.”

“As the patterns in the warp engines appeared to be, as well. However, these power surges coincide with some odd activity on Mr. Sulu's command console.”

McCoy's eyes widened. “Striking at Uhura and Scotty out of jealousy?”

“I would not wish to make any such assumption. My understanding of human psychology...”

“Is not up to making guesses, yeah. Hm.” He frowned and scruffed a hand through his hair. “I wouldn't have thought it of him. Still, neither attack was dangerous, only distracting.”

“They would still be considered sabotage if word of it got back to Starfleet Command.”

“It won't. Will it?” This last was really not so much a question as a command.

“Leonard...”  
“Please, Spock. This is my fault. I'm not sure why he's doing it, but it's because of situations I set up. Could you sort of just not mention it to anyone until I can get it sorted out? Sulu's a good man, I don't think he meant any sort of sabotage.”

Spock nodded, slowly. “I'm glad to see that you are acknowledging your responsibility in this matter.”

“Yeahyeahyeah.” McCoy rolled his eyes. “Come to bed now. I need to sleep on this.”

 

**************


	3. Chapter 3

McCoy was waiting on Uhura's route to the bridge to waylay her the next morning, and when she came along he jerked his head to get her to step to a corner where they could see anyone coming a good way off, then he waited before speaking for a moment until a couple of crew members passed. "Nyota, I think I might know what you weren't going to tell us last night at dinner."

"Oh dear. I... well, it sounded so ugly. I didn't want to say it in front of the dear boy."

"Sabotage?"

"Don't say that!" she muttered, looking around. A red shirt was just rounding the corner, but couldn't have heard.

"Sabotage of another person's potential relationships?"

She gave him a slight quirk of the corner of her mouth for his circumspection.

"Either way," he continued, "Seems uncharacteristic for the person in question. I keep thinking there must be some reason I'm not seeing."

"You're right. You're absolutely right."

"I can't help thinking that this is my fault. I mean, if we hadn't set these things up... Do you think we've sent Sulu off the deep end?"

"No! Well, if we have then we know we must be right - he's got to have some emotional attachment to Pavel or he wouldn't be bothered. Oh, yes, of course..." She tapped her lip with a fingernail, hmmed to herself, and nodded. "I have a thought - it's just the glimmerings of an idea; Doctor, you'll have to get Spock to help me with the details."

He grinned wickedly - this was like being back in high school, only more fun. Spock was right, though, it was dangerous, especially if his scheming backfired and Sulu was courtmartialed. Reminding himself of that toned his enthusiasm down a bit. "My dear husband is gonna hate this."

"He may hate it, but his great brain is indispensable to us in this! She crinkled her eyes at him, then gave a quick nod - "See you after the shift." - and headed off toward the bridge.

***

"It hasn't been that long since our last shore leave. We're barely out of the bandages." Kirk was a bit confused as to why his First Officer and Medical Officer seemed to have cooked up this idea, but he'd also learned that since they had become linked in the Vulcan mate-bond, even though they continued to spar verbally, they often acted and indeed sometimes almost seemed to think, as one person. It should be a great advantage to a captain to have two of his top officers so neatly in synch, but it was a little scary sometimes.

"I've noticed signs of stress in the crew. Just little things, at present, but we shouldn't let it go too long, and since we happen to be so lucky as to be near a planet that's practically ideal, well..." McCoy trailed off and shrugged with that grin that made Kirk sure something was up.

"And we happen to be near this suitable planet, eh?"

"It would require a deviation in course of only three degrees," Spock supplied.

He gazed back and forth between them. "All right. But only on the condition that you fill me in on what's up."

***

The Captain made a shipwide announcement later that evening that they would be arriving at Condine, a planet with exemplary outdoor sporting opportunities, unspoiled vistas to hike, rivers teeming with fish and hospitable colonists, and they would take this opportunity to have an extra R&R leave. The only local fauna that promised to offer any trouble was a bee which had been brought by the colonists and mutated due to local influences. "We have been informed that the sting can bring on unpredictable effects, so use all due caution to avoid antagonizing any local bees. Otherwise, it should be easy to stay out of trouble and have some fun, as long as everyone uses a little common sense. Kirk out."

"Unpredictable results?" Chekov asked, looking big-eyed from the speaker on the wall of the mess and back to McCoy.

"Yup. Spock came up with that phrasing for the announcement." McCoy grinned broadly. "It's perfect, we can do anything we want with that. Now, this is going to be pretty unpleasant, even painful. Think you're up for it?"

"Yes! Whatever is necessary, I will do it."

***


	4. Chapter 4

Their plans were almost upset. Chekov showed up in the transporter room in his hiking boots only to find Scotty giving him a mournful shrug.

"Sorry, lad. Sulu had me send him down just a few minutes ago."

"But... we always go on shore leave together!"

Scotty shook his head. "I'll send you down. He can't have got far."

And that was the last any of the other conspirators heard of young Chekov until he was brought into the sickbay between a member of Security and Sulu, the latter of whom looked both beside himself with worry and rather hangdog. Chekov's eyes were nearly swollen shut and he was obviously gritting his teeth against pain, curled on his side, but he was conscious and aware, and obviously gratified by Sulu's presence - at least it was obvious to McCoy.

"What have you got yourself into now, Ensign?" The doctor directed his question to Chekov, but it was Sulu who answered.

"A bee sting, sir. It was... I... what will it do? Will he be okay?"

"There's no way of knowing with these mutant bees." McCoy got the tricorder moving. "Nearly anything could happen, depends on body chemistry. Even, sometimes, their mental or emotional state. Let me get my readings and some observations." He then ignored Sulu, afraid he might seem more chatty then usual.

"You did well in getting him back quickly," Spock (who had appeared behind Sulu with less disruption than if he'd beamed in) congratulated the helmsman. "You know that the doctor will do all that can be done. Do you wish to be kept updated on Ensign Chekov's progress?"

Sulu swallowed. "Yes. Yes, thank you, sir." He turned to go, looking downcast, and was almost out the door before McCoy called him back.

"Just move over here a moment, would you?" His tricorder was beeping quickly, but slowed as Sulu neared his friend's bed. "Hm. Now move away again." The beeping sped as Sulu neared the door. "Interesting. His readings are better if you're nearby."

Sulu didn't exactly brighten, but he straightened up a little and looked hopeful. "Could I stay, then, sir?"

"Let me check with the patient..."

Chekov nodded emphatically, and the mumble that he forced between his lips might have been "Please."

McCoy shrugged. "Not knowing just what's going on, anything that helps... Spock, could you bring that spare chair that's in my office? Now don't wear the boy out with too much chatter. I'm going to give him a sedative and painkiller so as to let him get some rest while we try to figure out the reactions his body is having. These readings are... odd."

"In what way?"

"I don't like to hypothesize without enough data. I need to work on this."

Sulu nodded; McCoy and Spock slipped off into the CMO office and left him contemplating Chekov's swollen and flushed face as the young ensign smiled slightly and drifted into sleep.

"Why do you wait for the next part of your lie, Leonard?"

"It's not a lie, Spock! It's a prevarication at worst. And thank you for at least waiting until I had the door closed before you said that!"

"It is an untruth."

"No, Chekov truly is in pain. I've just translated his emotional pain into a physical expression as his request."

"And this does not violate your Hippocratic oath?"

"You might as well ask me not to set a broken arm because the yank would hurt."

"It is beyond my understanding why humans would choose to subject yourselves to such extremities of emotion. Ensign Chekov would do better to meditate -"

"Spock." McCoy glared at him and gave an exasperated half-snort-half-sigh. "It's love. You can't tell me you haven't experienced just a little of the same sort of thing. Seems to me someone courted me rather pointedly for a while before I clued in."

Spock tilted his head with that fond expression, an almost-smile, which he reserved (mostly) for McCoy (although very occasionally Kirk got a glimpse of it as well). "That was different. I knew you were my mate. It took me some consideration and meditation to understand that, but when I did the course was clear."

"So maybe Chekov thinks Sulu could be his mate. Humans don't have the natural advantages of touch telepathy and such to clue in to this kind of thing. He at least deserves the opportunity to figure it out."

"And the purpose of waiting to reveal the next step in your... prevarication?"

"Just building suspense. Pure psychology." McCoy grinned. "Give him some time to fret, he'll be all the more willing to buy the tale. If things seem too easy he'll be suspicious. I estimate about halfway through what would normally be his off-shift, so he'll be tired, would be the best time to feed it to him. Human logic filters get weak when we're run down."

Spock gave him a measured look and considering nod which conveyed both a fond admiration for McCoy's understanding of humans and also how very unimpressed he was with human's logic filters at the best of times.

*****

McCoy prepped the next part of his plan carefully, stepping out to the young man's bedside every half hour to hour to mutter, give him a hypo (mostly of saline, but sometimes with something to take down the swelling or improve his color, occasionally with something to raise his temperature) and drop hints for Sulu; "It's a biofeedback problem - he has some kind of emotional need that's not getting met," or "It almost seems related to some kind of mating impulse. Testosterone levels are way up, as is... well."

It was around 2330 hours when McCoy emerged from his office, Spock still in tow, looking tousled exhausted, to find Sulu dozing off and sliding forward on the molded plastic chair. He rubbed his eyes and sat up when they entered, giving the doctor a questioning look.

McCoy nodded. "I think I have an idea about these odd readings."

"What have you found?"

"What confused me was that you don't expect to find reactions like this in humans. It's almost like he's experiencing something a little like a Vulcan's pon farr, though much less marked. His emotional state and body systems are feeding back on each other in a loop due to some kind of heightening effect of a chemical in the bee sting. I'm doing all I can to keep him comfortable, and it's not like it will kill him or anything. It may just take a while to run it's course and will probably be very uncomfortable. I'd prefer not to have to keep him under sedation and loaded with painkillers if there's a way to avoid it. So. Do you want to help your friend?"

"Of course!"

McCoy nodded. "Alright. What I think is that it could best be treated similarly to the pon farr, by his finding his mate. Humans, of course, don't normally form the same mental bond, but an emotional one is usually positive for our general well-being, anyway. It seems to me that Chekov must have been on a peak of one of those times when emotional closeness is needed just when that bee stung him."

Sulu looked down, seemed on the verge of saying something, then looked at Chekov. "What would I have to do? He needs a connection, and..." He looked positively miserable, now. "I'll go find Lieutenant Uhura and Commander Scott."

McCoy sat back. "Why?'

"You said he's been wanting a relationship, and he already seemed to be forming one with them. I'm sure they haven't even been given the news that he's in sick bay or they'd already be here. I don't know why I didn't think to go tell them before."

"It's not your job to worry about something like that when you're so worried about Chekov. I would have notified them if I thought it necessary. I didn't think they really needed to be here, I thought you needed... I mean, I don't think that's what you want to do."

Sulu scowled. "What does it matter what I want? I've got to do what's best."

"Sulu..." The doctor sighed in exasperation. "What makes you think Chekov wants to have a relationship with Scotty and Uhura?"

"They've all been spending so much time together. Everyone knows."

"If he has been spending so much time with them, why do you suppose he's still wanting for closeness?"

"Maybe they didn't quite manage to get as close as he wanted because I - because of events, I suppose."

"Events? The events that seemed to oddly happen just when they wanted to get together for the evening?"

Sulu looked down.

"It was you, wasn't it?" At Sulu's slow nod he added, "Look, forget about that, don't worry. Nobody's saying anything to anyone about it if I can help it. But do you really think those kinds of distractions could stop a real interest? Did it ever occur to you that he might have been spending time with them because they were fun and he couldn't get the person he was really interested in to even look at him?"

"That's ridiculous, why would anyone not notice Pavel? He's so..."

"Yeah? You tell me. Why?"

Sulu blinked, blinked again. "What"

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Why do you think you're here, and nobody has been notified?"

"Oh." He muttered a curse. "Why was I such an idiot? Doctor - down on the planet. I had left for shore leave without waiting for him, on purpose, and when he came after me I was angry with him. I didn't say anything, just walked off and tried to move fast enough that he would be hard pressed to keep up. I was far enough ahead I almost didn't hear him call for help."

"But you did, and you went back. That's what counts. You want me to wake him up or what?"

"Yes!" Sulu was positively beaming, now.

"I'll give him a hypo. It'll take a few seconds, and I'll scram back to my office and give you some privacy, but you call me immediately if anything seems wrong." He did as he'd said, pulling the privacy curtain as he left Sulu holding Chekov's hand and the younger helmsman just stirring.

In the office Spock was waiting, studying up on some esoterica which would undoubtedly save the ship someday, and he looked up as McCoy entered, cocking his head curiously.

"All sorted out - the lovebirds are united!" McCoy grinned and winked. "Good work."

"I had nothing to do with your schemes."

"No, you just worked out all the details perfectly."

Spock shook his head, attempting a pose of disapproval, but McCoy could see the slight deepening of the lines at the corner of his mouth that meant he was trying a little too hard, and through their bond he could feel the tinge of amusement and satisfaction.

"Aw, you like seeing a happy ending as much as I do, you old sap."

"I'm glad that things worked out."

"Right." McCoy tugged his mate up from his chair for a warm kiss, running his hands down Spock's lean back and pressing them close together. "Soon as I'm sure Chekov's completely recovered from my chemical manipulations we're getting back to our cabin for a little happy ending of our own, whaddaya say?"

"I think that you're tired from staying up so late and might not be up to it this evening."

"Oh, you want to see what I'm up to? Do you? I'll take you up on that."

***


End file.
